its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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