oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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