I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
