I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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