I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize