She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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