No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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