Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
