she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
