I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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