I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
