I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
