the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
