I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
