I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need a burrito and a hug.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
