im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
