Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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