sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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