Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
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If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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