i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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