maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
