I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
