i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
