I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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