We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
