Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
