nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
