i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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