I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
