the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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