please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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