marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
