I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
be right there i have to get my cape
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
