Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
