Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
