omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize