u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
