I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
