Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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