I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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