It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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