no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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