Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize