even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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