Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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