New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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