did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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