God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
