and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
