I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
