I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
