ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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