guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
