Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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