hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
