Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
