So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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