he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
