Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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