she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
