You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
