There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
