I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
