last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
