Say something about gay babies.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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