i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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