Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
