mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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