Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
