porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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