I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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