I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
