I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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