When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
